FluSchmoo

Life is a bit off kilter these days. Tyler, Livia, and Jude are sick. Livia started it and Tyler rounded out the threesome earlier this afternoon with the sneezes, nose runs, coughing, and slight fever. I am the most worried about Jude, of course; he's the littlest. I told the pediatrician yesterday that I just need a standing appointment each week, and then I will merely cancel if I don't need to come. She laughed and simply affirmed that Jude is going to make it through these first few months soon.

I love newborn babies. I love them swaddled and clean and snuggled close. But geesh, they are so dang stressful. Who knew eating, sleeping, and pooping could be such a challenge? And such an emotional one on the moms? Sometimes I wish I could just birth out a six month old (minus the trauma of actually birthing the poundage of a six month old).

Anyway, lunching with two good friends today proved to be a nice distraction from the nasal drips though. One of the things we chatted about was the adventure it is to keep relationships alive and meaningful in ways that extend beyond the surfacey or mundane aspects of life. Be it in marriage, familial bonds, or friendship, it seems all too easy at times to slip into patterns of coping and habit rather than navigate the ups and downs of life together, on the same team, sharing evenly the emotions of a moment. Why is this? If we are creatures of community, why can dwelling in life-nourishing community be such a challenge? Oh wait!-because we are all dorks, all damaged, and all defiant (Rick Warren would be proud of that alliteration).

This comes on the heels of our community group break-up as well. The ten of us had a fabulous DTR session last week and decided that we don't want to ruin a good thing by forcing something to continue that just isn't in the cards for any of us right now. So we parted ways amiably. But what it basically seems to boil down to is that distance had crept into our community making it difficult to be regular in attendance, honest in discussion, or fruitful in encouraging one another. Within a year we were divided and motley.

Again, if community is something that my generation so desperately craves and values, we sure do suck at it sometimes. Is this because we haven't seen it modeled very well? Or are there more reasons? And keeping in tandem with a familiar reverb in my home today-Ah-choo! (Excuse our fear to be vulnerable and receive vulnerability.)

Transition

Duuring the sermon this morning at church, our good friend Joel articulated each point of transition our church is already enduring or preparing to experience in the coming months: 1) The senior Pastor, Jim resigned two years ago, 2) a volunteer pastor of several years, Bert, resigned a few months ago, 3) Our interim lead pastor, Katherine, was diagnosed with breast cancer a few weeks ago and is currently undergoing surgery recovery and pending treatments, 4) Our children's pastor, Kristina, announced that she and her husband are leaving this summer for a move back to the midwest, and 5) Our associate pastor, Jennifer, is leaving in April.

What in the world? Our congregation is a few hundred members so it will be interesting to see in the coming months how we begin to handle the changes. I am curious to see what the church will look like on the other side of this. What does God have in mind for this sundry mix of disciples?

As I see this unfolding from the pew as an attender, and as I speak more personally with Katherine and Jennifer. I am continually amazed at how God is using the oddest moments to continue nudging me forward in the direction of vocational parish work. I find this season of ecclesial change exhilerating and intriguing, certainly not stressful or overwhelming. There is so much opportunity for vision casting, for finding new ways to bless the world with fresh voices and new insights, and for ministering to one another in unique ways as we all worship through this migration to a new place together--as one big flock of wandering sheep in need of shepherd. When will it be my turn to shepherd? Not yet, God says. Oh, but when?...and where?

Shoot

Once everyone wakes up from their naps we are heading to Pasadena for the day to run errands on Fuller's campus. I am withdrawing from my one lone class for the quarter because life got in the way a little more forcefully than I had originally planned on when I first signed up for the course. Tyler is studying for his exams, preparing to teach his first class, finishing his last major paper, taking a class on Ugaritic, and working at the ABMC. That leaves little time for him to stay with the kids while I am away all day every Wednesday.

Livia is nothing short of a crazy toddler who's first impulse is to take over the entire house every waking moment with her toys, emotions, and demands. Jude's food allergies leave me running on low steam by the end of the day to the point that opening at dense text book on Organizational Theory doesn't sound like much fun. Plus, if I were to stay in class and take Sundays to study (our original plan) that means we put our marriage on hold until May after his exams, or really until June, when our classes are over. I can't square that. What was I thinking when I signed up for this in the first place?

Oh yeah, Rick Beaton is one of the best at Fuller, and this class is possibly a one time deal. It's titled "Biblical Organizational Leadership." During the first meeting Beaton had us share our reason for enrolling. Several suck-ups said because they liked him so much. So in an effort to be a little less obnoxious, even though that was my main reason as well, I said that I was sick of pastors not knowing how to lead a group of people. I'm tired of there being no vision in the church and therefore no progress forward in how to best implement the Gospel into our daily lives as we seek to be more like Jesus simply because weak leaders are the pastors. I don't want to be a pastor that shies away from speaking the difficult messages, or doing the challenging administrative work of hiring and firing the right people simply because I am afraid people may get upset. Give me a break. I think being a "Christian" extends beyond not wanting to hurt someone's feelings. So I wanted to take the class. Alas, maybe now that I don't have to read the text books with a highlighter in my hand and a computer on my lap I can scroll through them while feeding Jude and Livia every now and then. Because I still don't want to be a pastor that is a wimp.

Plus, this class was a great example of practical theology. How does the fact that Scripture is our final authority on life influence the ways in which we practice living? It was a complete intersection of theology and lifestyle. It was going to help us, as leaders, better use our theological suppositions to creatively structure ways of thought about leading that are both biblical and theologically savvy. Seminaries need more of this: teaching us how to integrate heady academic stuff with the nitty-gritty of dealing with parish people.

Anyway, I feel sort of like a loser for not pulling this off, but realistically, what am I trying to prove? Instead I think I'll take the route labeled, "I'm human, not superwoman." I already feel more emotional well-being and more satisfied having made this decision. So on we go. Maybe in the Spring the kids will be older, the family a bit more stable, and Tyler less swamped. We shall see...(also my favorite line in Charlie Wilson's War.)

Jude too

He was getting jealous of all of Livia's blog time. So here is a snapshot of my boy at seven weeks old.

Clogging Around

Check out my baby girl acting sassy! What girl doesn't like the sound of her high heels clacking on hard wood floors? --Oh yeah, watch out for those coffee tables...

Thanks

I haven't posted anything lately because my life is one long routine that rarely gets interrupted. Playing with Livia, who is extremely high maintenance these days, doesn't leave much time for transformative reading or earth-shaking conversation with friends. Usually it's trying to skim a magazine while she hugs my leg as I'm standing at the counter washing dishes. Most of the time I don't mind this. But it does leave me feeling lonely at times, especially when Tyler is working as much as he is right now.

But as I prepare spiritually for Thanksgiving next week I am struck once again by God's faithfulness. One of the reasons Andy Warhol is one of my favorite artists is because of his innate ability to celebrate and showcase the normalcy in all of our lives. Whether it's through silkscreen images of celebrities or Campbell's soup cans (to name some of his most obvious stuff) to filming weird flicks that no one has ever really seen, Warhol creates a reflection of my life with God right now.

And not to be all Rick Warren and say that there is great purpose in standing at the sink washing dishes; I'm not going that far. But I will say that in the simple act of keeping my home clean, or changing a diaper, or reading Livia her favorite books, I believe God is magically and powerfully present. It's a comfort and a challenge that I depend on and always welcome. Mostly, it is a truth that even when I can't grasp the full reality of it, I am supremely thankful for it.

For all you moms out there

Here is a great video.